I had a complete breakdown this month.
For the month of April, our Infused Intention was Surrender, and I was working a lot to surrender to the conditions of my life.
As you may know by now, my husband has a fourth stage cancer diagnosis, and we're working with these circumstances in our lives. It's been a really big challenge to work with the medical model, the energetic model, the spiritual model and all the ways that we like to bring it together.
What I have found especially challenging is working with the medical model with scheduling and all of the restrictions that we now have in this world in which we live.
Well, let me just say that I hit a wall one day. I was working to get a lot of things scheduled for my husband and I literally hit a wall.
When I realized that I couldn't do what I wanted to do for my husband's best interest in his current medical situation, I broke down. I like, totally came apart, broke apart.
In fact, I had this primal scream come out of...
I had a precious moment with my husband.
I came back from tending to my father, as we put him into hospice. I've spoken about this earlier. Jim and I were talking about whether he could make the funeral or not.
Some of you may remember, he's experiencing fourth stage cancer right now, and the body is very weak. Jim's spirit is strong, but his body is weak.
So I walked in, and Jim had needed some attention; I needed to work with him, give him some energy, minister him, and clean him up a little bit. After that was all over and we had him back in the bed, we were talking about if he was going to be well enough to go to daddy's funeral. We both realized that he was not, in fact, strong enough to make the trip to Illinois by two planes and all the travel.
As the reality of that moment sunk in, I experienced sadness. I know, I've spoken into sadness before, and that's the word that comes to me. Now, it was much more complex than that. This realization that I was soon...